Ugh, A Reading

Winter has been difficult this year.  It seems like we've been battered from day one, either with lots of snow or wicked cold.  Maybe I've gotten soft from the run we had of mild winters.  But this is just crazy.  I'm sick of being cold, and I'm sick of being cooped up inside.  So what's a girl to do?  Read cards of course.  But, sad to say, Llewellyn isn't helping today.  I need something warmer, a bit more active- kind of like ginger.  Something to heat me up from the inside out.  So, tonight I'm grabbing my Osho Zen.  I feel like Osho's personality is that of a fat marmalade cat laying in a sunny window... "What's all the fuss?  Just enjoy yourself, why doncha?  Relax!"

Even shuffling this chunky deck cheers me up.  The beautiful design on the back is color therapy- golds, oranges, yellows... like sunshine.  I am just doing a general "checkup" sort of reading tonight... how am I doing?  What needs attention?  What isn't working in my life, and what is?

I draw 3 cards-Understanding, We are the World, and Friendliness.  How nice.  This deck does tend to play nice- when you need it.  When you need tough love... well, there is plenty of darkness to go around as well...

The image of understanding (page of cups) is a flock of white birds- doves- who are all flying out into the wild blue yonder... through a set of bars... like they have finally understood that they had access to freedom all the while that they were locked up.  This relates to my job- I have, in the past few days, come to understand that I am not locked up in this job- I am not being held hostage.  Nobody has a knife to my throat.  I could quit tomorrow if I wanted to.  And besides that, I have the choice to allow certain people to freak the hell out of me, or I can choose to not let it get to me- to be impenetrable.  That is the freedom of the hanged man- even though physically, he's tied up and left hanging, mentally he can go wherever he wants, and he has made the choice to not feel bad about what is happening... he's not letting it get to him.

We are the world (10 of pentacles) other than reminding me of Michael Jackson (ewww) this card reminds me that sappy as it seems, we are all in this together... the human condition is something we all share- and there is a shared consciousness... this has to do with my tarot studies... looking into archetypes and mythology, and finding the common threads.  Joseph Campbell is my homeboy.  I also wonder if this might relate to Obama.  Granted, he wasn't my favorite- for a long while- I have now come to see his true potential.  I still don't view him as a guru, but maybe he can heal some of the damage done by Bush, and not just the stuff related to the economy- but more, our sense of who we are- we aren't Americans first, we are humans first. 

Friendliness (2 of cups) is one of the most endearing cards to me in this deck... it is so simple, and so cute.  Two pretty little trees have decided to grow next to each other.  I guess I'm not sure what this means right now- my co-worker K has become a good friend.  Maybe that's what it is saying.  I'm going to draw a clarifyer card... hmm, sorrow.  A picture of a person- he looks like a monk- all by himself in a dark room.  Would be 9 of swords in a normal deck.  I think Osho is pointing out that we grow better when we have company, and that I need to stop hiding out in my room, on my computer. :D  Well, to be serious, it would be good to meet some local tarot enthusiasts.  I just need to figure out how... pulling another card...

Intensity (knight of wands) shows a person sprinting... in this triangle (hard to explain) and focused to a point right in front of him.  So, maybe taking an idea and running with it, being direct.  Maybe I can ask at my local woo-woo shop! :D

Okay, I think that's it for tonight.  Funny, with Osho Zen, I feel more like asking a question at a time, pulling a card.  An interview.

Reading #2: Red Dragon Spread

This spread came along with the Llewellyn, and I thought it would be nice to give it a go. It is a simple, 7 card spread, with a really nice array of questions. Reminds me a bit of the Celtic Cross, but less complicated and odd. This would be good to use for a general reading, which is what I did tonight.

As I shuffle, I note that my mood is rather peaceful- I have the next 3 days off from work, and I have already settled into relaxation. I also note that it seems easier to shuffle my deck- and the cards seem supple, yet sturdy. I know some complain about Llewellyn's cardstock, but I rather like it. I think lightly upon the spread, and find my shuffling rhythm.

1: The Dream: Your heart's desire: Hanged Man... Huh, interesting. I think this is my desire to be able to roll with the punches, let go, and not let my circumstances effect my happiness... to be able to choose happiness even when the situation would make me feel otherwise... to act rather than react- and to retain my balance when the world turns me on my head.


2: Your Companions: The assistance you will receive: 6 of Cups. My memories? Perhaps an old friend will come back into my life, or else someone who makes me act in a childlike way...  actually,I think this has more to do with finding beauty in simple things, such as the wildflowers and apples.


3: The Journey: Unfamiliar places you must go to realize the dream: The Chariot. Well, the Chariot has always been an uncomfortable card for me- the idea of going fast scares me. I can't handle roller coasters, and that's what it feels like to me. Maybe I have to be willing to go fast in order to not get stuck in whatever situation I'm dealing with.


4: Magical Gifts: New skills required for success: The Empress. Creativity- I need to learn to turn to creativity when I feel weighed down by anxiety- to use art as an outlet for stress... to let that energy become fecundity.


5: The Enchantment: Hidden obstacles along the path: 8 of Swords. Getting wrapped up in anxiety, fearing all is lost, losing a sense of the big picture, and in all of that, self absorption in the worst way. "woe is me!!!"


6: The Dragon: What you must befriend, sacrifice, or defeat: 6 of Wands. Doing anything to gain acceptance from anyone outside of myself. This is a dragon I have been trying to do away with for a long time now... I find myself looking at others for acceptance far too often, doing things their way rather that my way, and generally not being myself because I think it won't make so-and-so happy. I see now that this is directly related to my sense of equilibrium... if no one else's opinion matters, then no one can do anything to me.


7: The Awakening: The Final outcome of your efforts: 2 of swords. Hmm, this card usually seems so negative to me- but looking at it again, it doesn't have to be so. A woman stands in the moonlight, the wild sea crashing against a craggy shore- She is within her own mind, blindfolded to the rest of the world. All of the power is in her own hands. She has all of the power of her subconscious mind to fill her loneliness- and I am even projecting that loneliness. Now this card reminds me of Lake Superior- the rugged beauty and mystery of a wild shore. Now, this doesn't seem like a bad outcome- being one who is looking intensely inwards, into the sea of the subconscious.

One thing I notice, looking at all of the cards together, is that there is a preponderance of blues and greens- and intuitively, I think this means I need to reconnect with nature.  I think tomorrow I will head over to the indoor gardens that are pretty close to my house.  I feel really good about this reading- I think everything really flowed nicely for me.  I feel like I'm getting back into the swing of reading, and Llewellyn is seeming much more cozy than it used to feel.  At first it had a distinct chilliness to it.  I think I am just becoming accustomed to it's highly British manners.

Reading #1

Question:  How can I make the most of my job at this time?

My job is currently in retail hell, with a district manager who is crazy...a highly unpleasent environment and far too stressful for the meager wages I am making.  I know that this job is not a long term solution, but I want to make the best of things right now.  I'm tired, pissed off, and generally grumpy right now.  Don't feel much like reading, but I know it will help me to forget about the day.

I shuffled halfheartedly and drew 3 cards without positions, jsut to see what story they told.  1st card is the 10 of wands.  This is obviously how I am feeling- emotionally, mentally, and physically.  Actually, my shoulder is really hurting right now, so I winced a bit when I saw this card!  Ouch!  But also, I feel like I am working hard and seeing nothing back- I break my butt for this job, and don't even get a well done.  There is no incentive for working so hard- maybe this is telling me to slow down a bit, and not push so hard.

Second card is the sun.  Always look on the bright side of life maybe? Right now that's about as bright and shiny as I get... but in terms of making the most of my job?  Well, I gues I'm stumped... maybe I need to present myself as confident and strong?  The white horse reminds me of a series of dreams I had a while back- all sorts of dreams in which I tried to heal these beautiful white horses who had been hurt or maimed... I always woke up crying.  I still am unsure what those were about.

The third card is the moon.  Unbelievably gorgeous... I am mesmerized by this card.  A full, luminous moon shimmers in a lake... an owl hovers in the silence... fish are brought to the surface.  This card speaks to me of silence and spirituality... listening to my most inward thoughts, and instinct.  I feel like the moon is the antidote to the 10 of wands and the sun- both so fiery and masculine, full of loudness and strain.  The moon tells me to unplug, let go, and dream.

And so it begins

A new year, a new blog, and a new commitment.  This year, I have dedicated myself, through the Aeclectic tarot forum, to spending time with my Llewellyn tarot at least once a week.  My goals in doing so are threefold: firstly, to get to know this gorgeous deck; secondly, to purposefully commit to tarot; and lastly, to find out how I operate as a reader- to find out my strengths and weaknesses, and to know myself.

I don't expect it to be easy, which is why I started this blog... I think it will help me to stay on track, if I have a "home".  I intend to post my personal readings, reflections, and insights on this blog.  I will check in here at least once a week- but hopefully more frequently!

So, watch this space- and let's see where this takes me.